Can it get any worse?

How often have we asked that same question in reference to our lives, only to have a friend retort, "Don't ask that.  The minute you do, things always get worse!"
As responsible adults we care deeply about the safety, well-being, security and futures of ourselves and loved ones. That is what makes us worth our salt as humans.  Unfortunately, because of economic factors and health issues, many of us spend an inordinate amount of time fretting... ruminating... worrying... fretting some more... it can be a never-ending cycle.

But what exactly is it we are so afraid of?
Lack of funds?  
Gasp...
What if you actually lost your home?
Or worse yet, 
what if you lost all your money?
What if you lost all of your possessions... everything you'd ever owned?

To which, I further ask, 
Do any of those things define you?

What's the worst case scenario... absolute worst case?
That you have nowhere to live?
I heard an interview with a homeless shelter worker who said that 'most' of those in the shelter actually had friends or family they could stay with... but for whatever reason, they chose not to.
Are you completely without any options as to where to live?
Are you utterly incapable of earning an income, even at the minimum wage level?
Do you REALLY foresee this as your permanent future?

If so, then you have some planning and problem-solving to do; otherwise you will have some challenging, uncomfortable hungry nights ahead. But... if on the other hand... you are not facing homeless foodless life on the streets, then your constant ruminating and fretting is doing you no good.  In fact, it is most likely stealing the joy of the moments you devote to worry.

Most of us say that what we most want out of life is 'to be happy.'  Given that fretting does not make us happy, perhaps that is where we should pitch our battle.  Once we have gotten down to the brass tacks of what happiness is all about, by the time we realize that fine 'things', while pleasant, do not actually bring lasting happiness... by that time we will realize we are already happy and not care a jot for all of the trappings we used to spend so much time being concerned about not having.

hugs
J.

rock star

I was given an assignment by my LOVE 24/7 friend.  He asked me to write something about a guy who .... oh shoot, I can't recall exactly.  It was something along the lines of a guy who walks into the room, a mix of anger, frustration and confusion... I sense his angst and notice his face is tear-streaked.... his ailment is that he has never known love.  I am pretty sure I just mangled that description, but here is the from the heart stream-of-consciousness reply I zipped back... apparently I envisioned a rock star :)

His tempest preceded him

He jerked into the room, in changing shades of both Jeckyl and Hyde

His eyes red & swollen in mixed anguish and anger

He had always had the world at his feet

but now he floated in that awkward space of debris left cometing through space just after the Death Star exploded

He had all the earmarks of a trainspotter

the desperation

the need

the craving

The only difference being that what he most desired was actually good for him... something that would make his life... not ruin it

and yet

.... it went against everything he'd been taught

everything those around him believed

And so the tears flowed anew

in silent salient agony

till at last he allowed his mouth to part just enough to catch a falling droplet of his silent scream

And then the words came

more like audible thoughts really

"............ I can't do this anymore ...............

Everyone wil think i'm crazy

............. not that i care what other people think. it's just that ......................

and what will it do to my family

They think they know who i am!!!!!

How can I.........................

My mom will understand............... in fact she probably already knows.... somewhere.... deep down

....... she's always known actually

.......... that I have not been living the life that is meant to be mine

She always knew who I was even when I didn't

(his despair turning to welcomed understanding)

I mean........ as weird as it sounds, I always knew deep down that THIS is who I really was...... and what I really wanted........ but I lost sight of it somewhere along the way

........... 

and then it didn't seem to matter anymore

not cuz my life was bad

far from it!

In fact life has been great........ I mean reallllllllllllllly great

The stories I could tell you

The things i've seen

Sure I've had my struggles, just like the next guy

but overall I've had fun!

and to be honest, most of my friends envy me

but................

............................................ but ...............................

(suddenly sullen again)

it's not enough anymore

I guess it never was

The things i've always wanted

.......... I knew deep down they really existed

but they seemed so surreal for this world that I just figured they weren't something you could find on earth or in this lifetime

But I was wrong

........... which means I was right

all along

about everything

about a world and love so big it can't be contained within the puny framework our society is determined to be smothered and tortured by

(looking far beyond the walls before him)

I see it all now

see it so clearly

it is all there

within my reach

all I have to do is do the reaching

the rest is all done for me

................. in some ways I've never fit in, you see

my die was cast so early on

sports

rock n roll

girls

oh so many many girls

and yet............................................. so little love

I sing my heart out and reduce people to rubble with a single refrain

I break hearts with my poetry 

They say how tragically unbearably real my words are

how I have changed them with my words

that I have made them happy, made them sparkle, and smile and shine

Ha!

If they only knew

It's like I can dish it out but I can't take it

cuz I've never had it

and now that I can see it I'm almost too afraid to grab it

It's like I'm too paralyzed in my life to let it in

and that's all I really have to do

just 'let' it in

not force it

or go after it

Supposedly we guys value the stuff we have to work for and chase

..... but this is so much better than that.... and so much more beautiful.... so much more real

.......... this is everything i've ever wanted

....... t's even beyond my most beautiful dreams

and coming from a dreamer like me that's saying alot HAHAHA

(sigh)

I'm tired of talking

I'm tired period

exhausted more like it

not in a bad way

more in a cathartic way

.....so..................................."

-- another sigh.... this one deeper.... but much more serene.... his answers were gelling, his soul soothing, and his life changing

I saw before me a man shedding his own dead skin

transforming into the most exquisite creature imaginable.... his true self

He was at peace

Now i was the one in tears

as I gazed in wonder at this perfect being

My eyes widened and I stood

unexpectedly shaky on my feet, so full of the awesome love and truth to which I had just borne witness

He sat

looking more vulnerable than any grown man could possibly look

not weak, mind you.... just real... and unguarded... and incomprehensibly beautiful and brave

Without either of us noticing it, I walked over to him

embraced him as though within angels wings

holding him in impenetrable safety

without hardly touching him

I whispered into his ear, 'i love you'

He let out one last sigh

and something tangible left the room

It was the shell he'd been wearing all those years

the mask and habiliments that no longer fit him.... in fact they never really did

Neither of us spoke

I silently ran my fingers through his hair

My cheek next to his

.... and he just breathed

full, rich, deep breaths

like he was breathing for the first time

He fell asleep in my arms

a sleep (he later said) that was the sweetest he'd ever known

when he awoke he was a changed man

changed for good

.... and for 'good'

I still think back on that day

the day 'it' happened

He doesn't even remember it

or the man he was before it happened

It's like his life up to that point had all been a dream from which he finally awoke

only to find that his reality was much more amazing than his dream

That moment changed my life too

and has been a touchstone for all that's come since

I will never doubt again

wiki words on what you're going through

We have all said it...

"I've been going through" this or that.... going through a really hard time... going through a breakup.... going through a dry spell.... going through my husband's pockets looking for change (ba duma cha).


All levity aside, the phrase "going through" generally refers to something challenging, unpleasant, or downright painful.


But here's the good news... whatever you are going through, you will come out on the other side.
That's right!
You are going THROUGH it... not stuck IN it.
And when you do come out of the experience you will find you have jet-propelled yourself along your path of becoming the person you have always dreamt.


Very often the blessing and grace from an untoward circumstance is evidenced by our being spared the experience.  Sometimes it is the exact opposite.  Sometimes we learn much more and feel even greater grace when we actually do go through whatever experience we are fearing or dreading... from losing our home to surviving divorce.

Storms come our way every now and then. They are inevitable in this world. So when the winds begin to howl, the windows begin to rattle and you feel the roof is about to fly off and take you with it, just hold tight.  Stay grounded and hang on to your faith and your innate sense of good.  Hold onto the tender hand of Love that is caring for you. And soon you will find that the storm has passed.  The problem has been washed away.  And suddenly the world looks fresher, more colorful, and more beautiful than you'd ever noticed before.


xoxox
Joy

Face-Off with Fear

[email written to the caring, wonderful, inspiring Mastin Kipp, creator of The Daily Love]

The other day you asked us to face our fears.  I sat for a moment and thought about it.  I had two long standing fears caused by watching movies, and cured in a similar way -- my Jaws-inspired fear of sharks was cured by watching a beautiful video of a diver feeding great whites by hand, and my Silence of the Lambs driven fear of serial killers has been cured by my beloved tv show Dexter .... for real!  So as I thought about my fears, I went through a list of the things most people fear: lack, loneliness, failure, on and on, and was grateful to not count those as fears of my own.  So I figured I was off the hook and went blithely along my way.... till later on the phrase Face Your Fear came to me again... and I realized I DO have a fear..... it is my face.

I am camera shy to the point of phobia and it is because of my face.  It makes no sense whatsoever.... then again since when does fear always make sense?

This is all the odder given that I am not a shallow person. I couldn't care less what other people look like.  That never factors in when I am considering someone to date.  Things like integrity, kindness, spirituality... that sort of stuff is what is attractive to me.... similarly, I never care what cars people drive or what they do for a living.... so why this silly hang-up over looks when it comes to myself?

As of this writing, I have no answer.  I have no problem growing older, but my face seems to have not fared well in the process.  I saw a photo taken of me just the day before and it looked so different from the way I view myself.  I see myself as being vivacious and loving and grateful.  The face of the person in the photo seemed to show the long journey taken to get to the place of gratitude where I now reside.  It showed a big scar from a dangerous relationship long outgrown.  This person looked sad and downtrodden, weathered and worn.

The situation is so absurd that every now and then I despair of ever finding romance... all because of my face!  And God forbid one of my online friends finds out what I look like... I fear they would drop the friendship.  Funny thing is I would never want to be in a relationship with someone who was so hung up on looks as to let mine overshadow my finer qualities anyway.... As you can see, the whole situation is ridiculous.

So while I may not have an answer, I am at least thankful to have the question raised, as I didn't realize I was harboring this latent fear until you put the question out there.  Thank you for the opportunity to literally face-off with this fear.  And I won't stop until I've faced it down!!!!!!

gratefully, humbly, joyfully yours...

Spy vs I

Have you ever sabotaged yourself? Or something great in your life?
I have.
In fact I am doing so right now.
There is a mind-blowing relationship I love that I unwittingly try to oust on a regular basis.  Its prospects are more than I can handle, and there is some pretty hairy territory to navigate. I haven't gone so far as to call the whole thing off. I know better than that. But I have definitely tried to steer things into a comfortable dull bland safe corner.


I am no newcomer to sabotage. I recall doing some self-preservation sabotaging when I was ensconced in an abusive marriage.  I managed to double my weight in order to ensure the person hurting me would be repelled by me physically and not seek physical intimacy.  There was no way I was going to be sexual with someone who sought to hurt me in a variety of ways daily.


But that was ages ago. I am no longer in that unhealthy relationship nor mindset.


So why do we do it?
Why do we sabotage our own dear selves?
In my case of abuse it is perhaps more understandable.  It was a temporary coping mechanism employed while working my way out of a very volatile and life-threatening situation.
But what about the times we sabotage ourselves out of a big blessing.... sometimes on the very eve of a hard-won triumph or victory?
We even go so far as to toss away precious gifts we have longed for.


My best guess answer is........ 
fear
Fear of ultimate failure
Especially fear of being........ 
hurt
When we make ourselves wide-openly vulnerable by allowing in everything we've ever wanted, we run the risk of losing it, or in some way being rejected or disappointed in the process.


In my own current situation I have the opportunity to do some truly amazing things with my friend, especially spiritually.  Unfortunately, I have let the statistics of our live's histories color, if not dictate, my assessments and actions, as opposed to really letting intuition lead me into a thing of beauty. I can't promise never to fall for the temptation of self-sabotage again, but I can do my best to detect and rout it when it starts to fester.


And to be unflaggingly patient with my friend.... who is currently playing the saboteur as well.... far more fully than I.


So what is the antidote or cure for this kind of manifesting fear?
It's always the same. 
It's always
LOVE
Love 24/7
A love so big it wipes out the fear of rejection or disappointment. A love big enough to erase our identity's rap sheet or personality's credit score. A love big enough to forgive the mistakes of the past and prevent those of the future.


So to all you self-saboteurs out there, we see what you're doing, and it doesn't matter. We are in this together.
And we will love you ... and ourselves... through it.

joyfully yours...


P.S.  Do you have a story you'd like to share?  Or some words of loving wisdom to offer and aid another?  Please drop by our new Facebook group page and join in the conversation.  You will always be welcomed... and loved.... 24/7