The chicken and egg make peace

Egg shell sculpture by Kyle Bean

The whole chicken/egg conundrum can easily drive one to distraction.  A case can be made for either side, but in the end does it really matter?  Is it not more important that both exist?  And frankly, if physicists are correct in their assertions that our concept of time and sequence is inaccurate, then there would be no coming 'first' for either one!

The same sort of cause/effect questions may be found in many aspects of life.  Does success bring us happiness or, in truth, does happiness bring us success?  Psychologists' surveys and research suggest the latter.    

Given that our attitude has such a tremendous impact on our wellbeing, happiness, and enjoyment of any activity in particular, it stands to reason that we can expect to be happy and joyous no matter what our general circumstances.

So then does this mean that we should not do the things we love most?  Not let our light shine in our own unique and essential way?  Not at all.  It simply means that we can be happy and enjoy ourselves whether we are writing the great American novel or doing the dishes; whether we are watching our child take his first step or changing a flat tire; because we can find the beauty and grace in the moment -- and bring some of the loveliest aspects of our character to bear on any situation.

As for the things we love to do most, I have often pondered whether we enjoy the things we excel at because we are good at them, or is it we excel at these activities because we enjoy them..... It is at that point that chickens and eggs begin to dance around the periphery of my thoughts.  

One thing I do know with certainty is that we all have gifts; and these gifts are meant to bless and bring joy to ourselves, those near to us, and those from afar who are benefited by who we are and what we do.  And so it is actually not a bit selfish to give consecrated thought to what we enjoy most, what about our character and talents we enjoy most; and then go after ways to employ those gifts and talents.  For if we cultivate and use the tools in our individual bags of tricks we will find we are so happy and content and productively active that we no longer see an issue of chickens and eggs.... just joy and purpose for all, regardless of their stage of life.

Transforming the commercial into the sacred

Valentine's Day is known as one of the most commercial, in-your-face, shallow, guilt-laden themed observances in America.  Lovers take exception to the idea of being told when and even how they should profess their love... and if they fail to do so, according to Hallmark's and Zale's mandates, clearly they care not a jot for their so-called sweetheart.

I have friends who dread the day and view it as a searing and bleak reminder of the dearth of love in their lives.  But to all lovers... and by that I mean all who express and feel that sweetest of sentiments -- ie love, affection, fondness, admiration and the like -- I say Valentine's Day can hold great promise and fulfillment.  

Just as I view Thanksgiving as a day set aside for the sole purpose of celebrating gratitude and acknowledging our many (and often overlooked) blessings, I view Valentine's Day as a celebration of love in all its forms, certainly not limited to that thrilling, but frequently fleeting and chimerical form of love known as romance.

And so I invite everyone who has someone whom they value and appreciate, be it a mate, pal, family member, co-worker, a pet, crush from a distance, the dutiful gardner, the cheerful barista, tireless nurse etc, to take pause on future Valentine's Days to let these dear ones know how much they are adored.  Doing so could make someone's day.  It could change someone's perspective. It could even save someone's life.

For you

Heart Nebula IC1805

"I love you

with every fiber of my being.

I have always loved you 

long before I knew you existed

most likely, long before I was even born.

You don’t complete me.

You show me how complete I already am.

You bring out the best in me, yes

but that best is so much better than I ever imagined.

Love without condition

love without pretext

love without possession

without definition -- 

the kind of love that can prevent wars

end world hunger

and keep the stars in alignment --

a kind of love they haven’t written about 

because no words have yet been cobbled to adequately describe it.

Before you I was aiming too low

dreaming too small....

What can I say...

to me

you are

it!

And I am proud, honored, humbled and awed to love you

and always will be.”

~C.H. Hastings

Woops

Things don't always go as planned.

When I got married I went to extraordinary lengths to make every little detail special not only for my husband and me, but for our guests.

And yet.......
things didn't turn out quite the way we'd intended.... despite the fact that I used to work as a a wedding and event manager and had planned hundreds of events... far more elaborate.

For one thing, the cake was completely botched up... a story in and of itself.. (and no, the one pictured was not mine... thank goodness).
The wrong ice sculpture arrived. Our cream puff swans never got baked... as I realized when I found them still raw on a baking sheet atop the oven range hood when we returned from our honeymoon....
But ya know what?  None of that mattered.
And actually, it all made for amusing stories later.

It is dawning on me, that when it comes to our personal affairs, interactions at the office, or... perhaps most challenging of all... committee work, it is not nearly as important that things go efficiently, turn out spectacularly, or even that we earn money or make a big splash or do fine work.  What really counts is how we treat each other in the process.  THAT is what makes for real and lasting success.. the kind that softens and improves our character... the kind that can change the world and economic priorities.

Having a sense of humor doesn't hurt either... and thus, I give you, my all-time favorite wedding fail.

Saline Salubriousness

When I was in middle school, I had a surefire remedy for whatever ailed me, whether the malady was physical, mental or emotional.  It worked like a charm regardless of weather or circumstance.  I would go to the beach and dive in the ocean.  Even if it was winter and I had a nasty cold or the flu, this simple act produced healing results the same day.


Adherents of homeopathy have long extolled the health benefits of salt water within and without.... despite the pollution that sullies our seas.... though using the ocean as a trash dump is certainly nothing new.


Along the same lines, the expulsion of salt water is considered healthful as well.  We associate exercise and sweat with good health. We advocate sweating out a fever when we are ill.  We pamper ourselves with dry saunas and steam baths.  We even indulge ourselves in the occasional 'good cry.'  But I wonder if we truly realize the benefits of this latter activity.


The biggest and most long-standing challenge I ever faced is something I named 'the four years of tears.'  It was utter misery; a hell I often thought I would never emerge from.  More recently, I have gone through a few tearful days, laden with relationship-based sadness.


Tears are usually associated this sorrow and/or loss.  Funny thing is, I am most prone to weep when I find something to be beautiful or sweet.  And it wasn't till just a day or two ago that I realized how mistaken I have been by viewing the tears we cry during times of trial as representing woe and heartbreak.


It occurred to me that, like sea water and sweat, these salty drops are healthful as well.... that they indicate an inner cleansing... sometimes even a purging of that which no longer fits or benefits us.... purifying our hearts and souls for new and perhaps more salubrious joys, loves, relationships, and views of ourselves and others.


Next time I find myself in tears, I will be grateful... not only for the many blessings I have to enjoy daily, but for the tears themselves... those crystal clear cleansing gems that help us to dispense with the old and obsolete, and make way for the fresh and fabulous..... To me, that sounds like a very good cry indeed. 

Once is enough.....

...because it's forever.

A sweetiepie of a friend recently asked me to share with him something that I've never told anyone.... I couldn't think of a thing... because
(1) I am not the secretive type, and
(2) over the course of the last year I have shared every deep, dark, weirdo secret I possess with the kindred spirit who knows me best... oh, but the goods he has on me!

I was very complimented that the first friend mentioned was interested enough to ask such a question, so I sincerely wanted to answer.  At last, while letting my mind wander in the shower (where I do most of my best thinking) the answer dawned on me.  There is only one thing that I have never told anyone.... because I had not realized it myself.  I have only been in love once.... meaning only once have I experienced the kind of love that is so unselfish and unconditional that in my estimation it deserves to be labeled with the greatest word in the universe.... love

At this realization I was tempted to think, "Yikes.. that sounds so pathetic... only being in love once in your whole life"... especially cuz I am not 'with' the person.  Then it dawned on me.... of course I've only been in love once... that's all any of us can ever be!  We're ALL in love... once... even if the face of that love appears to change with time and circumstance.

I've long crooned Bob Marley's refrain 'One Love' with the idea that there is indeed just one Love... just as there is only one Truth, one Beauty, one anything... and that these concepts... especially Love... are so immense and important that they are expressed and manifeested infinitely, and eternally.  And so it stands to reason, that this love I feel is also so big, so momentous, that it can't be contained within personal parameters... ie it can't be limited to just one person; else without that person I would be without love!

And so I am proud to say that I have only been in love once -- because I know that regardless of the package it comes in or face(s) it wears, it is a love that will last forever... and that it is all mine.