The Unconditional Paradox

[today's letter to a friend]

I love you

The harmless 'Sting' of love

Those were the first words that came to mind when i started to think what to write to you this morning.

I want to briefly describe unconditional love as I see it today.

it's a paradoxical double-edged sword in so much as it can cut through all the nonsense coming and going, from every angle;

but it can never injure, butcher or mutilate.

It can only cleanse and heal.

To me, when I say I love you unconditionally, it means that my love for you is not predicated on your actions or choices... I love you because you exist!

That sounds nice and all, but at the same time may not make you feel all that special, because using that line of 'unconditional' reasoning, you could be a cold-hearted, lazy, mean-spirited slug and I would still love you... well, I guess so!

But here is the glistening beauty of our non-sword's other edge,

the proverbially delicious icing on the cake, cherry topping the works:

in addition to the lack of conditions, I also love and admire several things about you, separate from my unwavering loyalty toward you.

So then yes, I do in fact love you merely because you exist

and you exist and were created to be an enormous blessing to this world.

I also love the many ways in which you share your blessedness... the particular aspects of your character i find loveliest. 

Those traits are not the reason I love you.

They are just things I love about you, your warmth, passion, compassion, sweetness, generosity of spirit, etc.

It is the unconditional aspect that enables me to love you no matter what traits you are displaying at any given moment.

You logically understand the breadth of my love for you.

You frankly can't fathom the depth of my love for you.

And you teeter on incredulity when it comes to the whole thing

just cuz it's so darn foreign to you.

So for today, just treat it like any law of physics.

You may not be able to see gravity or really know the ins and outs of how it works, but you know for a fact that it is a law of nature, that never falters, and that you can count on without exception.

Please let this sink in today, and let me know what unconditional love is revealing to you.  No answer is trivial... and neither are you!

I LOVE YOU

Please feel free to share with someone YOU love, who could use an unconditional reminder

Spy vs I

Have you ever sabotaged yourself? Or something great in your life?
I have.
In fact I am doing so right now.
There is a mind-blowing relationship I love that I unwittingly try to oust on a regular basis.  Its prospects are more than I can handle, and there is some pretty hairy territory to navigate. I haven't gone so far as to call the whole thing off. I know better than that. But I have definitely tried to steer things into a comfortable dull bland safe corner.


I am no newcomer to sabotage. I recall doing some self-preservation sabotaging when I was ensconced in an abusive marriage.  I managed to double my weight in order to ensure the person hurting me would be repelled by me physically and not seek physical intimacy.  There was no way I was going to be sexual with someone who sought to hurt me in a variety of ways daily.


But that was ages ago. I am no longer in that unhealthy relationship nor mindset.


So why do we do it?
Why do we sabotage our own dear selves?
In my case of abuse it is perhaps more understandable.  It was a temporary coping mechanism employed while working my way out of a very volatile and life-threatening situation.
But what about the times we sabotage ourselves out of a big blessing.... sometimes on the very eve of a hard-won triumph or victory?
We even go so far as to toss away precious gifts we have longed for.


My best guess answer is........ 
fear
Fear of ultimate failure
Especially fear of being........ 
hurt
When we make ourselves wide-openly vulnerable by allowing in everything we've ever wanted, we run the risk of losing it, or in some way being rejected or disappointed in the process.


In my own current situation I have the opportunity to do some truly amazing things with my friend, especially spiritually.  Unfortunately, I have let the statistics of our live's histories color, if not dictate, my assessments and actions, as opposed to really letting intuition lead me into a thing of beauty. I can't promise never to fall for the temptation of self-sabotage again, but I can do my best to detect and rout it when it starts to fester.


And to be unflaggingly patient with my friend.... who is currently playing the saboteur as well.... far more fully than I.


So what is the antidote or cure for this kind of manifesting fear?
It's always the same. 
It's always
LOVE
Love 24/7
A love so big it wipes out the fear of rejection or disappointment. A love big enough to erase our identity's rap sheet or personality's credit score. A love big enough to forgive the mistakes of the past and prevent those of the future.


So to all you self-saboteurs out there, we see what you're doing, and it doesn't matter. We are in this together.
And we will love you ... and ourselves... through it.

joyfully yours...


P.S.  Do you have a story you'd like to share?  Or some words of loving wisdom to offer and aid another?  Please drop by our new Facebook group page and join in the conversation.  You will always be welcomed... and loved.... 24/7

Broken Bread

I adore good bread.  Yesterday someone lovingly presented me with a bag full of a variety of colorful delicious-looking breads.  My eyes widened at the mere sight.  Since I hadn't yet eaten lunch, I gratefully accepted the bag... more like snatched it out of the giver's hand.... and skipped into the kitchen to survey the booty. 


I couldn't decide which one to sample first... the mini loaf covered in cheese and jalapenos? I love cheese... not so much the jalapenos....should I simply pick them out?  What about this trustworthy looking poppy seed covered kaiser style loaf... hmmmmm decisions decisions.  My drooling mouth bade me knock it off and make a choice already... So I did... and picked a beauty of a loaf, golden brown, appearing to have been made with love and attention by trained hands and a wise and creative mind.


When I picked up the loaf to break it in half, something jarred me from my momentary euphoria. The bread did not seem to have any substance. It felt light... but not in a good way.  I then sniffed it, hoping for reassurance of the loaf's promise to be all that bread could be... because there is such deep, fundamental comfort to be found in bread....  blog post topic in and of itself.  Upon breathing in the aroma of the bread I determined that my smeller must be off... cuz frankly I couldn't smell a thing.  Fortunately I had just been gifted with a lovely bottle of serious olive oil, and I just knew that when applied to the bread, I would be in for a revelatory experience.


Nope.


The bread was just plain bland -- no two ways about it.  Devoid of any quality you may associate with bread.  Nothing I tried improved the experience.  Not only was I a little disappointed to have missed out on perceived gustatory bliss, but I realized I had been duped.  I expected one thing.... one glorious thing... but I felt I had been duped in sort of a bait and switch way.


I decided to take this little lesson with me into this next week, to keep my eyes open for things, experiences, and even people, that may not be what they seem. And to accept them on their own merits.  Not every loaf has to be a hearth-style artisan loaf, but I do need to be a better judge of what I am biting into. 


What sorts of life-sustaining basics have you misread, or misperceived? How can you better identify what you are being offered?


Wishing you a rosemary parmesan focaccia day.


joyfully yours...

When it's good to be bamboozled

Do you know much about bamboo?
This quietly towering grass provides a wonderful metaphor for personal growth. Its adage reads:

The first year it sleeps 

The second year it creeps 

The third year it leaps

This leaping has been reported to reach 47" of growth in a single 24 hour period.  But as the adage reminds us, the bamboo's take-off did not come overnight.


What an encouraging thought to hold on to when we feel we are putting in effort without seeing much in the way of results.  I went through a time of intense personal difficulty of several years duration.  I called it 'my 4 years of tears'.  It was so difficult and so unyielding that I often despaired of ever feeling happy or even sane again. Then.... seemingly out of nowhere.... and without my even realizing it.... it all went away, and I was healed... permanently.


I was so grateful to know that all the toil and struggle had indeed yielded fruit, in abundance. And that harrowing experience has become a confidence-building victory that has enabled me to more easily meet and vanquish subsequent ugly challenges.


Have you had a bamboo experience of your own?  I'd love to hear about it.


joyfully yours...

Nothing special

sent on Small Biz Saturday... while trying to launch my own venture

"not much to add today cuz i am just too plain giddy 
it's been such an amazing holiday weekend already and it's only half over! :D
The way i am learning is changing
becoming sweeter and easier
or maybe it's just a fun down hill coast section of life's ride, but hey, i'll take it!

I wish you an absolutely brilliant day
full of the realest stuff"


joyfully yours...


PS... that's me down in the corner on the right... the pink speck, ie the smallest of small bizzes 

Wiki words on leftovers & love

quick day after Thanksgiving note:

"So grateful you are opening to unconditional love
it will be so fun to see how it plays out for you
.... and for me too come to think of it :)
cuz i'm not settling for anything less when it comes to being on the receiving end
yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have a glorious blissful post holi-day
I always think this day is amazing cuz we already had a great holiday and now get to chill and catch our breath today, with the promise of a whole weekend thereafter :)
.... and the leftovers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


joyfully yours...

Potpourri

scurrying around getting things done thoughts


"what do you hope to get from today
what are your goals for today
what about today are you grateful for
what inspires you today
what makes you feel loved today
who are you today
and how is that different from who you were yesterday
how are you going to let your unique light shine today"


joyfully yours...

Wiki words on your story

on the story we tell ourselves about ourselves... and how can we change it

"I've written you so much lately i thought it only fair to keep this one short :)

He was totally on target with his questions about the story we have accepted as being the facts of our existence.

i am going to ask myself what I rumors, lies and myths I have accepted about myself

and gleefully look forward to rebuking and rebutting them

and to creating a beautiful day

dropping the baggage of yesterday

humbly accepting the gift of today.

We all have such amazing gifts available to us

if only we have the courage and humility to accept them.

wishing you a magnificent day

cuz you deserve it"

joyfully yours...

Xroads

on fitness and amazing opportunities falling into my friend's lap:

"The primary temptation in such a scenario is to kick back and see what happens
to let the interested parties duke it out and try to compete for your favor
This you must NOT do
You are no longer in 'float through life' mode
You must embrace the warrior and champion within you and begin to attack life with great gusto and wonder
not just enjoy the ride.


To be the king of your life, the leader of the company, the catalyst for change in the world, you absolutely must take firm control of your life... not just your schedule and 'goals'.
I mean take control from within.
Mental & emotional fitness are for more important, beneficial and long-lasting than physical fitness.... and they usually have the side effect of spurring greater physical fitness anyway... So that's a nice added bonus.

As for the delicious opportunities that lay before you, your choice in this matter will have a HUGE impact on your ability to realize your goals, both personal and professional.
You cannot afford to use your previous methods of decision making.
No weighing pros and cons
None of that sort of thing.

Now stop all you are doing this very instant and focus on what i am telling you:
The path you seek, the one that will ultimately bring you the greatest bliss, has NOTHING to do with having a COMFORTABLE life.... and it has nothing to do with what the median of humanity tells you is important.

You are at a major crossroads.
Your opportunities for growth and grace can not be overstated.
Choose what will best promote your growth.
Choose things, goals, experiences and people that challenge you.
I don't mean ones that try your patience --
I mean the ones that get you to stretch.

You and i joked awhile back about how guys say "you make me want to be a better man".
As cliche as it sounds, that is EXACTLY what you SHOULD want, what everyone should want -- 
people and situations that make you want to do and be better, kinder, purer, deeper, more real, more loving.

So................
- your job
- your life mate
- your goals (those are stepping stones and waymarks)
- your dreams (these are your unfolding reality)
- your contribution to humanity
- your path to enlightenment

What will you choose?
What will you do once you've chosen?
How much does your life and success mean to you?

You notice i did not mention family or finances or fitness.... cuz all of those will be beautifully taken care when you get these other things sorted out

I know i am calling you on the carpet here.
Frankly, i love you far too much to do otherwise.

This is who you are.
Anything less is not you."


joyfully yours...

Lights... Camera.... LOVE!

on the importance of putting our love into action:

"He's right.  Your new views and life must be put into action

so that they become a lifestyle

So then my question to you is what action(s) are you taking to make your dreams your reality.... to take hold of the love you've always wanted and make it the basis of your life?

How can you say you've truly lived ... if you're living someone else's life?

How can you say you've truly loved.... if you have only scratched the surface of love and never let yourself love at the deepest level?

Follow your dreams - they will never steer you wrong or lead you astray

Fall in love - fall so deeply in you can't ever get out, and wouldn't want to, cuz that is where you are safest; and it is the strong foundation you need in order to support you as you follow your dreams :) "

joyfully yours...

Despondency's Response

email extract:

"I told you what a sad and despondent day i had on friday.... it was so foreign to me to feel that way... so helpless.... so low.... so HOPELESS... that i knew i had to take notice of what was really going on.... and it seemed to me that what i was feeling was not MY issue, but that of so many dear souls in the world that i was channeling... that a huge number of people feel utterly unloved and unwanted.

And that the feeling was a call from the universe to take seriously that DEEP love i have been talking to you about lately.... cuz THAT is what felt lacking... the hardcore life-validating, fulfilling and redeeming love that is at the heart of the Universe .... it must be unleashed, shared, imbibed, imbued.... it must be allowed to do its job and heal mankind.

As for me, i was chipper again by the next morning.... certainly not as a result from any encouragement or loving kindness from the two utterly disinterested friends i turned to for solace hah!  But that feeling definitely made an impact on me and my heart goes out all the more to the dear ones all around us who feel undervalued or looked over... who lack an unbreakable connection to the deep love of the universe.  I have so much to get done today and in the upcoming weeks, but I am going to make a point to pause.... often..... to love more.. not just in a sweet surface way... but in an incredibly deep and powerful way ... I have to.... that experience of despondency was too intense to just go blithely along, sweetly floating along doling out little hugs here and there.... I want to help heal our world, starting with the hearts of its inhabitants."

joyfully yours...

Disappointed!

For years I have been hearing that word in my head, said in a very distinct manner, from a movie.  For the life of me I can't place it. So pleeeeeeeeeeease, if you know what flick it's from, lemme know!


Today I wrote to my friend about disappointment.  Here's the rant:

"A couple of times... not recently.... you said you were concerned you would 'disappoint' me.... the truth is you could NEVER disappoint, for 2 reasons

1. Each person is responsible for the way they feel.  if we are disappointed it is our own thing to deal with.  Have we placed 'expectations' on another?... I admit I DO expect certain things from you.... I expect you to follow your dreams and your vision.... and to be relentless in your search and quest for Truth and Love and the glorious pure reality of the Universe.... besides that I also 'hope' you will be the best example possible for your family & friends by being a man you are proud of.... that said, still, if you did not do any of these things I would not be disappointed, cuz your life is your own... i am not here to judge you, but to love and support you.... the times that i tell you you are blowing it are when you do things that don't serve YOUR OWN GOALS, not mine.... our lives are full of mistakes.... why make it worse by being disappointed with each other when we take a misstep
2. You are a good man!  I can not emphasize this to you enough.... I don't care what you've 'done'.... your past doesnt define you..... your character does.... your TRUE character which is being revealed and shined up everyday.... YOUR true character is NOT a sneaky bad boy.... it is a loving honest caring man with TONS of integrity and solid life & love affirming priorities.  The only models you have had have been the ones from  our messed up world.... the 'it doesn't hurt anybody and its fun' model, and more diabolical yet, the hell, fire & brimstone hypocritical totally missing the point model.... both of those miss the mark.... so .... then what is the model you SHOULD be following?....

Let me know who and what you plan to follow in order to have the life you truly want.

With ever-deepening love & ever-increasing gratitude for the man that you already are... and always have been"

joyfully yours...

Why try to manage that which doesn't actually exist?

I was reading a tome from a very wise blogger whom I adore.  He was talking about the importance of being organized, especially when it comes to your time and schedule.  He is a deep spiritual thinker and made some very logical statements about time management... 


And yet this was my response when asked about it:

"This is the first of his missives i have disagreed with, and yes i will tell you why.... simply because there is no time!!!!!

Why bother wasting your 'time' on controlling something that doesn't even exist?

Example -

There is a good chance I am the best planner on earth... I have color-coded spreadsheets up the wazoo and can schedule and maximize like no one's business.

BUT

that is not good enough

That is human manipulation.

It is not going with the flow of the Universe.... it is PUSHING.

So............. a few years ago, instead of starting my day by consulting and fine-tuning my gorgeous ToDo list, I changed my M.O.... and have ever since.

Sure there are things i plan to do and HAVE TO get done.... but here is how I start my day now.

I talk to the Universe.... which I do A LOT, not just once a day, but throughout the day, and more important.... I LISTEN to what the universe is telling me.

It is a skill I've had to work on, but now I generally get immediate responses.

At the start of the day I basically make a mental note of the things that are vital to get done... and then i give myself to the universe, saying "YOU tell ME what my day should look like.  You know what is a true priority and how my actions fit into the grand scheme of things.  I don't care if stuff goes my way, I want it to go the right way."

I can't even count how many times I didn't get to do most of what i wanted because something else came up.... sometimes it is a sneaky something that tries to derail us from our great purpose, like getting a flat tire or having the water heater go out.

But other times..... and this is what I think most of us miss.... other times, we are delayed or taken off schedule by someone in need.... a friend who calls up crying, a stranger whose car has broken down, a family member who needs a 'time'-consuming favor.

In those instances we do what is most important.... we give up our own plans to help and LOVE the other person.

We go home thinking 'oh shoot' I didn't get such and such done

but that is far too limited a view!

The truth is we did what mattered most.

We validated another's existence with love while strengthening our own character and making us long-term happier in the process... talk about efficient productive multi-tasking!

And believe me... the other 'stuff' on our list will eventually get done.... it always does... even if it literally takes years

So don't fret time

Embrace moments

joyfully yours...

Where the air is clear

(to you who are in need of a different perspective and higher view)

It's time for you to go to the mountain top.

All great leaders have understood this concept. 

It is not just 'getting away from it all' in order to think.  

When the demands of daily life subtly whisper to you that you CAN'T climb the mountain, that you can't take time to gain greater clarity, RESIST, say NO... and take your stand.... 

It takes effort to scale those heights, but it is so worth it, and it changes everything

At the top of the mountain, at the very pinnacle, the air is clear... and the view is complete... 360, all the way around from every angle.... a very very different view from when we are in the trenches.

From that elevated mountain top you can see all the beauty and amazing stuff that has been all around you that had gone unnoticed cuz you weren't in the right spot to view it.  With that more comprehensive view you can see how things connect.... see the BIG PICTURE... which will instantly show you how things fit into your life, where you need to go next and what you need to do.

From up there our huge problems on the ground look miniscule and manageable.... and then when we come back down to our regular routine, we do indeed find that those same problems and challenges still appear small because we now see them in their proper perspective.

Please share with me, when you can, what you are learning. I'd love to hear from you.


joyfully yours...

Overflow

The glass is ALWAYS TOTALLY FULL... 
either of your beverage of choice or air.... 
but still..... all full


I intend to keep mine overflowing with love and gratitude


What is filling your glass?

When timing is nothing

There is no GOOD time to break up.

"Let's just get through the holidays first"

"Oh man, we have that skiing trip planned in January!"

"I can't break things off right before Valentine's day!"

"Our kids are in that Spring pageant together and we are carpooling... How awkward would that be?"

"She spent money on a big surprise for me for my birthday next month"

"Her mom is sick -- I can't break up with her now"

"We have that wedding to go to in a couple of weeks, and she's the maid of honor!"

"Every year we spend the 4th of July at her family's cabin at the lake.... I just spent a ton getting my boat fixed up for it and really wanna go!"

"My kids love her and would be so sad if she were not around all the time"

"It's her birthday... I can't break up with her right before her birthday"

"She just got audited and owes the IRS 10K.... and wouldn't you know it, her transmission went out... and property taxes are due, and she needs a new water heater, and she found a suspicious lump in her breast, and she stubbed her toe, and Venus is in retrograde"

"She just got laid off at work"

"Oh *&^% it's the holidays again!!!!!!!!"

First Fall

This was the first thing I sent my friend, as it applied to his situation. This was before I trusted my own voice.  It is a song from Cirque du Soleil's Quidam.... and a perennial favorite:


Let me fall,
Let me climb,
There’s a moment when fear and dreams must collide.

Someone I am is waiting for courage,

The one I want,
The one I will become will catch me.

So, let me fall,
If I must fall,
I won’t heed your warnings,
I won’t hear them.

All I ask,
All I need,
Let me open whichever door I might open.

Let me fall,
And if I fall,
All the feelings may or may not die.

I will dance so freely,
Holding onto to no one,
You can hold me only if you too will fall,
Away from all,
These useless fears and chains.

Someone I am is waiting for my courage,
The one I want,
The one will become will catch me.

So let me fall,
If I must fall,
I won’t heed your warnings,
I won’t hear.

Let me fall,
And if I fall,
There’s no reason to miss this one chance,
This perfect moment,
Just let me fall. 

Will you be my Valentine?

A friend has been going through a time of intense and awe-inspiring growth.  Turns out I've sort of been his spiritual guide and guru through the process.  I have begun to send him daily Valentines of wisdom, or so they are intended.  They are more like thematic ramblings, but in his folly my friend has considered them to be 'on target' and worthy of sharing with a larger audience.  


Well, I don't know about that, but I did decide, what the heck, why not keep track of some of these thoughts on the off chance they may help another who stumbles across them.  If nothing else, they may serve as a journal of my own internal journey.  This should be fun :)